On the Brain
*Content that sparked inspiration
* I Hope This Finds You Well (A Novel)
A fictional book that highlights the all too real office shenanigans and anxious thoughts that plague us all.
* You Get What you Give (A Song)
A throwback and one of my all time favorite songs to play when I’m needing a little motivation.
The Focus
"Perfectionism is not the quest for the best but the pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough." - Julia Cameron
I was in my first month as a personal trainer and I still felt like I didn’t belong. I had come from the world of office administration armed only with a passion for the mechanics of the physical body, and a curiosity of how movement could affect the mental and emotional aspects as well. There was no bodybuilding or even solid gym experience in my background. I had studied up, taken a test, and miraculously landed an interview at a gym in the Financial District of San Francisco. All of the other trainers were very helpful and encouraging, but compared to them, I knew nothing! I had little familiarity with the equipment or the lingo, and for many days walked into that gym feeling inadequate. At night, I would go home to read, watch videos, and get more familiar with everything. The fear of failure ran high.
As a new trainer, I was fed a few consultations so I could build up my roster as I sought new clients. A couple of weeks in, I remember this very fit man coming in. We sat to talk and he told me that he had been a semi-professional soccer player in his home country. I can’t remember what he wanted to work on, because at that moment, all I could focus on was the thought that he preferred a different trainer, and he was upset because he was stuck with me. In an effort to “prove myself,” I took him through a few challenging exercises. After he left, I told the floor manager what had occurred, proud that I had “handled myself.” The floor manager shook his head and said, “You had an opportunity to show him something he didn’t know. To highlight why you would be valuable to work with. Too bad.” I felt the prickle of embarrassment and shame as his words sunk in. Instead of being focused on helping and potentially signing a new client, I was focused on my own insecurities and fears.
That memory still stings. It wasn’t just that I let go of an opportunity, it was the fact that I had acted in a way that was so out of line with my values. I wasn’t caring, open-minded, or empowering at that moment. I was scared to be found a “fraud” and acted like a jerk instead. But as much pain as there is in that memory, there’s gratitude as well. I learned a valuable lesson that day. Not everything is as it seems. More often than not, the thoughts you have about what is unfolding in front of you, are fictitious stories you tell yourself to feel better.
If I were to replay that moment today, perhaps it would go something like this…
The man would tell me why he had signed up for the gym and what his goals were. I would listen and see if anything he needed matched what I was good at - increasing flexibility and mobility. If it did, I would be candid about being new and tell him what I thought might be beneficial for him. I would take him through various exercises explaining why I had chosen them. Instead of being focused on “proving myself” or signing him as a client, I would be interested in providing an effective session. If I felt nervous or intimidated, I would take a deep breath and remind myself that I had taken all the proper steps to get the job, and I had been chosen to take it on. I didn’t need to prove anything.
Every day, you’re faced with decisions. Not the big, in-your-face decisions, but the many small, seemingly inconsequential decisions that make up your life. Smiling at the person that you pass on the street. Giving a dollar to the person with a “Please Help” sign on the corner. Speaking up at a staff meeting, giving a co-worker, or your partner, the benefit of the doubt. Every time you make a choice, whether big or small, you have an opportunity to align with your core values. To show up as the person who you want to be. Do these enough times, and it adds up to a big, meaningful life!
But you have to make that choice! And you have to make it over and over again. Are you going to listen to the voice in your head that tells you you’re doing the right thing(s) based on your experience and knowledge or are you going to listen to the voice that says nothing is your fault, your problems are a result of everyone else? Or the voice that tells you that life’s not fair and everyone has it better and easier than you? If instead, you bring your awareness to those little voices, you can see them for the useless, false thoughts that they really are. Place your attention on what is true and what is important to you. Because when you let go of the assumptions, and the false narratives that you build in your head, you are able to allow yourself to be present to what’s actually in front of you - the objective truth, authentic connection, and genuine growth.
Something to Consider
Having a daily check-in practice can help you to see what is good, and what might be missing in your life. Here’s one way to start from the Two Minute Mornings book:
Today,
I am grateful for…
I will focus on…
I will let go of…
Your Turn
What did you think of this newsletter? Any lingering questions or thoughts you want to share?